Love is never just sunshine and roses. To make love last, we sometimes have to face the tough questions and overcome tougher obstacles so that our relationship remains a steady, strong and supportive force.
This Valentine’s Day while we celebrate the beauty of love, let’s also take a moment to acknowledge the challenges that come with it, and consider some ways to overcome it.
Lyrical Muse invited anonymous submissions from people across different walks of life to share one roadblock or dilemma they are facing in their relationships. We then asked Relationship and Sex therapist, Georgina Vass for her expert advice on what she suggests they do.
From feeling isolated to keeping the romance alive, here are some of the submissions and what Georgina had to say about them.
Struggling to say no fearing the loss of a valuable bond
Anon asks : “My best friend is in love with them but I see them as an older brother figure. I don’t want to lead him on, but I also don’t want my honesty to feel like rejection of him as a person. I want to honor his feelings without sacrificing my truth, and protect a relationship that matters to me in a different, but no less meaningful, way. How do I communicate that love doesn’t always need to change form to be real-that my affection is deep, just not romantic?”
Our expert answers : “Studies show that people fare better when they are rejected outright as opposed to being ghosted. It may be easier together your thoughts or feelings first by writing them down first before having this important conversation. In the long run, communicating this information to your friend will likely be better for the both of you.”
Communication during relationship discord
Anon asks : “I believe communication at the right time holds the key to sustaining a relationship. Sometimes, I am unable to highlight some flaws in my partner for fear of backlash and toxic reactions. I want advice on how to put things across when something is not done properly.”
Our expert answers : “By avoiding an uncomfortable situation, you may lose an opportunity to learn that the situation is safe. Remember, nothing changes if nothing changes. With this in mind, when you do feel ready to have this talk, using I statements can help communicate feelings without assigning blame.”
On being taken for granted
Anon asks : “How do we keep the romance alive in a long term relationship and how to make your partner not take you for granted?”
Our expert answers : “We sadly can’t make anyone not take us for granted, hopefully they come to that conclusion on their own. We can prioritize intimacy in our relationships, communicate what we want, and maintain novelty and curiosity.”
Feeling isolated during tough times
Anon asks : “Even though my bf puts in a ton of effort, makes me feel secure and is super into me – we’ve been together three years – he struggles with his emotional capacity. Whenever I go through something tough in life and need his support he tries to comfort me with a few words, but never knows what to say or how to be there for me and when we talk about it he gets overwhelmed and talks about how these responsibilities stress him out and how this is the best he can do. But it just makes me feel alone in the end during a tough time and I consider leaving because primary care comfort should be present rather than secondary efforts ?
Our expert answers : “Sometimes our expectations of our romantic partners to meet all of our needs can be unsustainable and unhelpful to the relationship.When one feels alone, think about what other means of socialising do they have outside of spending time with their partner, who else do they speak with aside from their partner, what activities do they partake in that make them feel part of something?”
When your EQs don’t match in a relationship
Anon asks : “I often feel I am more emotionally intelligent than my partner. How do I balance out our EQ levels to have conversations and understand each other’s concerns?”
Our expert answers : “Effective communication is essential for healthy relationships. Does their partner want to balance out their EQ level too? What does their partner think about their respective EQ? There are tons of great resources around EQ that they can both read.”
Insecurities on what your partner thinks of you
Anon asks : “I don’t know what my partner is thinking about me. I would love to know how I am as a partner. I want advice on broaching the topic of how my partner sees me/thinks of me.”
Our expert answers : “Asking your partner outright is the most effective method for gathering this information. Sitting side by side as opposed to across from each other is another way to cope with difficult conversations. An alternative, more playful way could be to create a survey or poll with questions you want to know the answers to through sites like Surveymonkey. You could even send it to other loved ones and friends too. Using anonymous polls can be an effective method to challenge some insecurities.”
Love in action rather than words
Anon asks : “How do I express love with actions rather than words or feelings only?”
Our expert answers : “Consider what is meaningful to them? Giving gifts, cooking food, singing or writing them songs, holding hands, kisses, massages, hugs, sharing items of value, love notes, trips, activities, surprises, making plans, or making something for them could all be an expression of love.”
You can follow Georgina on Instagram and TikTok @georginavasstherapist
[ NOTE: Responses edited for length and clarity]
Did you relate to any of these relationship dilemmas? Visit Lyrical Muse for more content on life, love and relationships.
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